Statue of St. Peter
in St. Victor's Church

At some time in his or her life, just about every Catholic has been angry or disapppointed in the Church as an institution. Some move on quickly, others take more time, and still others just cannot get over their hurt. We've provided a few of the most common questions and answers here for you. If you have others you would like to see answered, please let us know.

Q. I am a gay man who has been hurt by members of the Church. Until Church teaching changes, I am taking my support elsewhere.

A. The bishops of the United States have denounced discrimination against gay and lesbian people, and have said that all members of the Church owe gay men and lesbians "friendship, justice and respect." This is not to say, however, that this has always been the case; many have been and continue to be hurt by members of Christ's Church who should know better. If you are in search of a perfect church, we wish you the best of luck. If you would like to lay claim to your Catholic heritage, your birthright by baptism, we urge you to stay in the Church and give witness by your life.

Q. I am a lesbian who is upset by the male dominance in the Church. Until the Church honors the role of women, I want no part of it.

A. If all the lesbians leave the Church, there will never be a role for lesbians in it. In your own life, you have surely discovered attitudes changing when you came out to people and a lesbian was no longer just an abstract concept, but a coworker, family member or neighbor. It is the same for the Church. We very much need for you to stay and participate in the life of the Church!

Q. I prefer to think of myself as spiritual rather than religious. Why should I belong to a church?

A. It is true there are people who are religious but not spiritual, but there are many people who are both religious and spiritual. It is a mistake to see these two concepts as mutually exclusive. As Catholics, we believe it is not enough to have an individual spirituality; we believe it is important to have a communal spirtuality as well. This is called "religion," and while it is true that some "religious" people are only following exteranl practices and rules, this is certainly not the ideal for a Catholic. We believe we are saved as individuals and as a people. This is why we put such a high priority on unity.

Q. I have been away from the Church for many years, but lately I have been thinking that I'd like to try coming back. How do I do this?

A. Deciding to take the first step is the hard part; after that, it's easy. Just come and join us at Sunday Mass! When you feel it's the right time, you may want to celebrate the sacrament of reconciliation (confession) Don't be embarrased because it's been a long time; the priests here are used to people coming home after many years, even decades. If you don't remember how confession works, that's OK, too; he will help you. What do you confess? Whatever you feel sorry for doing or not doing. And the priests of teh parish are always available to make an appointment with you, if that's just the kind of person you are, to discuss things with you. In short, how and when you come home is mostly up to you.

Q. I am divorced, and I hear that divorced people are not welcome in the Church. Is this true?

A. Not at all. Divorced people are welcome in the Church, because they are members of the Church; no one can take that from you. At this time, there is a problem for people who are divorced and remarried outside the Church. Because Church leadership feels it is important to underscore the importance of marraige in this day, people who are divorced and remarried generally may not receive communion. You may not agree with this requirement, and that's OK. It doesn't keep you from participating in the life of the parish as you like. However, if you are in this situation, the priests of the parish may be able to help you obtain an annulment from your first marriage, freeing you to have your current union recognized by the Church. There are many grounds for annulment, and if you qualify, there would be no limitations to enjoying full participation in the life of the Church.

Q. If I decide to go to confession, do I have to confess things that I do not believe are sins?

A. You should only confess actions or lack of actions that your conscience tells you are wrong. If you are conflicted about something, talk to the priest about it. Tell him why you don't think it is wrong. He will help you work through your feelings and resolve any conflicts you may have. If you are not conflicted about something, or if your conscience is genuinely confortable with a perticular course of action, why should you bring it up, unless you are truly bothered by it? The confessional is not for debating; it is where you come with sincerity to reconcile yourself with God and the faith community.

Q. I once tried to talk to a priest and he was very unresponsive and did not seem to care about what I was going through. What do I do?

A. Try another priest. Contrary to popular belief, priests are people and have the same faults as all of us. Perhaps you just did not connect. You have the right to look for a priest you get along with and feel comfortable with.

Q. How do I know which parish I am supposed to go to?

A. There are no longer any "supposed-tos" when it comes to picking a parish. Particularly in Los Angeles, where there is a Catholic Church about every mile or so, it is perfectly alright for you to visit a few and decide which one you feel most comfortable in. At that point, it becomes your parish, and you may participate in parish activities as your time and inclination allow.